We can not learn all of the tasks of parenting from a book, your pre-natal bestie, a neighbour or a podcast - though all of these are super helpful. Much of what we learn, we learned through our experience as children. Some of it good, some of it not.
Whoever your primary carer was, you spent a lot of time with them. Like most complex family roles, we learn how to be a parent through the daily repetition of thousands of little moments when we were younger. These moments 'teach' us about how to be in a family as a child, sibling, parent, Auntie, Grandfather. We learn who plans meals, who inhabits the kitchen, who mows the lawn, how to make someone laugh when they've been sad, how to soothe a scraped knee, a fever and the heart ache of a teens first breakup. We have rituals, traditions and ceremonis for birthdays, puberty, graduating, getting married and death. We also have rituals, traditions and cermeonies for the journey of parenting.
Chances are a big chunk of what you are amazing at, came from your Mama, Uncle, Grandparent, much older sister or whoever you spent the most time with as a kid. But, there will also be moments where we repeat the one thing we pormised ourselves we would never do 'when I'm a parent'. Welcome to parenting!
You can change and adapt whichever pieces you want. The path is yours to make. It just comes with some well worn detours.
Karen Schiltroth
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